good wins out

Last Friday we took most of our 6th graders to Lubbock to visit the Science Spectrum. We had a great time. We had set up criteria the students were to meet in order to go on the trip. We've been working on it all year. By the time the trip happened, we had almost 30 kids not go. Some of them were because parents weren't allowing them to go, but most of them were because they had not met the criteria. The kids that went were the ones that had worked hard, met the criteria, and deserved to go. It was great! They highly enjoyed themselves, and we enjoyed them! Monday morning as the four teachers sat sipping coffee in the lounge, we said that we realized that the good kids finally won. Some of these students have been together since Kinder and have always been trouble. Those of you that teach know that this is some weird phenomenon that occurs; some years it seems like the whole group is just off. But we were so thankful that we had decided to do the trip regardless of how many had to stay behind, because those that earned the trip really deserved it. and throughout the trip we heard the kids talking about it and how the ones left behind should have just obeyed and turned in work and followed the criteria. It was wonderful watching the students 'get it' that we cared and wanted to recognize those students who worked hard. There has even been a change since we've been back. They know they've 'won', whether they realize that's what they know or not. I can almost say that seeing that reward on their faces at the end of the day was worth some of the battles. It felt good to pump up kids that have had to battle the negativity all year.
Yeah!! Being good is GREAT!! :)

not enough pay

Today I am battling the feeling of "It's not worth it". I am so sick of argumentative, apathetic, disrespectful, ingrateful kids that need a good swift kick in the butt and a huge dose of reality. Where are the parents??? And do they care??? I know some of them don't!! Do they realize what terrible citizens they are cultivating? And what about the public educational system? 'No Child Left Behind'????? We ARE leaving children behind when we allow them to continue in their current behavior, not only hurting their opportunity to learn, but also distracting others'! Why can't we train some former marines in education (many of them are already) and develop a boot camp of sorts where kids go when they've already been suspended, retained, put in alternative school, and their behavior continues on??? Can't we do something for these kids before we see another Columbine?? I'm so sick of it!! There are so many good kids that have been taught to be respectful and want to learn. We're doing these kids an injustice as well when we're constantly having to watch our back and look for bad behavior. And then they get a tiny slap on the wrist, because administration's hands are apparantly tied. It's just ridiculous.
And today is not the day for me to discuss it. Now that I've vomitted....

slight obsession

I want a new house. So badly. What's worse is that I know what I want and we are close to getting it. Relatively. We are planning on building a new house. And we've seen the floor plan we want. We've been in it. I love it!!!!!!!! (http://betenbough.com/find_your_home/plans.aspx?Plan=Mirella&Region=Odessa) Although I know when we finally get in it (hopefully before Christmas), I'll feel like it's unreal that it's ours. I feel like a dream is about to come true. It excites me, but I have lots to do before we move in. We have to do a few upkeep things to our house, sell it, move out, and probably have to live somewhere temporarily before we close on the new one. There's so much to do within that little sentence!! I want to have a yard sale, and have debated on whether or not to do it before we list the house or after we sell. I think I'm going to do it before. And there will be things we'll want to sell even after we sell. I'd like to sell the couch, recliner, table and chairs, hutch and buffet, not to mention several small things. The small things I can sell before. The large things will have to stay in order for the house to be somewhat 'staged'. I figure I could always have 2 yard sales. I realize that once I start packing, there will be things I'll find that I wouldn't mind getting rid of. I'm so ready to do this; I find myself thinking about it quite often throughout the day!!!!!!! Here I am at school, and we're in the computer lab. My students are working on some Social Studies projects, so I have a little time on my hands. ARGHHHHH!! I'm in the mood to pack some things away and sort out yard sale stuff. And yet I'm here at school; by the time I get home I doubt I'll still feel like sorting. My house feels cramped and messy - and even when we clean things up, I know that there's clutter somewhere because we've had to move things around and into another room in order to have the front looking clean. I'm ready to create my master suite/sanctuary. Ah, to have my own bathroom in my bedroom. I can hardly wait!! And to have a kitchen that has more than 8 cabinets!! And to have a pantry!! Heaven for me!!!! :) Oh, and a garage!! What delight!! And closets that are walk-in!! and a closet in the front and near the main bathroom!! And a covered patio out back! Oh, I'm so ready!! I'm hoping to get some things ready on the house and have it listed before June is over. Then it's a matter of risk-taking -- do we go ahead and order our new house, or wait until we close? So many choices. I'd rather be making the ordering choices -- what color and type of carpet, tile, cabinets, counter tops, brick, plus any additional features. Then we can purchase some new things after we close and move in: refrigerator, dining table and chairs, living room furniture, bedroom suit, etc., etc., etc.
I'm slightly obsessed. I'm just so ready to see this particular dream become a reality. Poor Malcolm would be sick and tired of my rantings if he heard more than what he already has to put up with. That's why I'm blogging this today. I needed to purge a little.

Choices

Here I am in the last days of school. What a crazy year this has been!! And yesterday was horrible. Did a kid do something awful? Nothing above the norm. But their teacher.... she just had an atitude malfunction. Whew. I should have stayed in bed. But, not an option was that. Therefore, I came to school. And I feel myself just doing the same old, same old. We have a certain schedule we have to manage. I have to do all the routine responsibilities that come with managing a classroom (beyond the actual teaching), and I find myself just being routine. Check off breakfast, read silently, see who isn't here, take them to their fine arts class, drink some coffee, laugh with the gals, take care of some business, go potty, pick them up, keep them busy until lunch, eat my lunch, go potty, pick them up, keep them busy until orchestra and junior vips, take them over to another classroom so I can do dismissal duty. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I find myself counting down the days until it's done. This is perfectly normal and okay, except for my attitude. That's the part that stinks. And it's all my responsibility. It's all my choice. I can either let things bring me down, or I can choose to deal with them head on and them move to the next thing. I can either get bored with what I'm doing, or I can choose to actually enjoy the enjoyable kids while they're in my room. Instead of saying that there are only 2 Mondays and 16 days of school to go, I can choose to say that I have 16 more days to leave a positive impact on my students and teach them some more new concepts. It's really up to me and my choices. Can I go on in the same old routine? Sure. That's my choice. I also believe that that's the easy way out. It's easy to gripe. It's easy to look at the blaring negatives. It's easy to 'woe is me' and feel horrible so I can brag about how bad I have it. This comes easily for me, and I have to fight it. It does no good for me and my personal health, or for my family and friends who have to absorb some of it. So I choose. I don't want the same old, same old. I love to have a good time and enjoy where I'm at and what I'm doing. I look forward to a good laugh and like to think about exciting times yet to be experienced. I choose to change my attitude. I even have a poster in the front of my classroom that I pass hundreds of times a day: Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. I need to choose to take that in instead of just reading it when I pass.
This morning on the way to work, I heard this song again, and didn't really think about all of the lyrics. It's been playing in my mind ever since, though. So while I had a little break, I decided to look the lyrics up online. They are, of course, very pertinent to my epiphany about choice today.

This might hurt
it's not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

(The Motions, Matthew West)

Pink-eyes and state tests

I am done with my administration of the 2008-2009 TAKS testing for the 6th grade. YEAH!!! Yesterday we did Math and today we did Reading. My kids were done right before lunch, so this afternoon we watched Narnia. We had to stay quiet for other rooms still had students testing. Tomorrow the school is still 'shut down' but we don't have to test. Which is great! I just might have to stay at home with Caitlyn. She has pink-eye. And the bacterial kind, so Malcolm had to take her to the doctor yesterday in order to get antibiotic drops. We knew what we had to get, but had to pay $74 in order for a doctor to tell us and write a prescription. This started Monday afternoon -- she told me on the way home from school that her eye hurt. At supper, though, we saw that it looked really pink and was starting to gunk. I looked online at some stuff, and figured she had pink eye. By the time we put her to bed it wasn't looking too good. When she got up yesterday morning, it was very puffy and had very nasty gunk in it. She stayed home yesterday and Daddy took her to the doctor (having to wait an hour and a half...). Her eye began to look a lot better throughout the day, but we knew she probably needed an antibiotic. He wanted us to keep her from school today, but we figured she'd be able to go. Yet, this morning it had spread to the other eye which was much darker pink but not as much gunk. Here was my dilemma -- Malcolm flew out this morning for San Antonio. I knew she couldn't go to school, but I couldn't stay home -- I had to administer this test. So I called on our great friend, Kate, who was going to be taking Andrew to Mother's Day Out and picking him up. She agreed to take on Caitlyn and her eyes. I love good friends!!! :) She took her own toys to play with, with instructions that she is not to touch anything at their house. I'm hoping and praying her eyes are better in the morning. I'm not sure I can get the day off. I have to go home and disinfect everything.
I'm ready for that to be over as well, and hope that no one else in the house gets it.

apathy

I really wonder why some people just seem not to care. Across the entire 6th grade I'm involved in teaching, I'd say a good 60-70% act as if they just don't care. They don't do their work; we threaten them with different things, carry them out, and they still don't do their work. We talk to them about all the benefits and responsibilities, etc., etc., etc. They still don't seem to care. And then, of course, some of the parents don't seem very worried about it either. It irritates me. How can you not care about your child's education and lack of concern to be a responsible, productive part of society? Do you really want them to sit on their behinds playing video games until the wee small hours of the morning until they're 37? Give me and the rest of the thinking world a break!
Yes, it's Monday afternoon. Once again I find myself battling the 'why give so much effort when they don't care' attitude. Because of the kids that DO want to learn and DO want to make a difference and COULD grow up to be something wonderful.
I guess that's it for now. I could SO go on and on about other cases of apathy, but I don't care.

Just kidding. :)

Sixth Grade is not for weinies...

I remember sixth grade. That was the year that I hung out with the 'popular crowd' in the tiny town we lived in in NW Kansas. That was the year I dumped some other friends who had taken in this new kid the year before and made her feel welcome. That was the year my mouth spoke some colorful words I was not raised to speak. That was a tough year.
And yet a refining year, looking back at it now. It took seventh grade to finish that particular process, but I learned some things about myself. I learned that I am not always respectful to every teacher. We had a Reading teacher, Mrs. Jones, who was a little 'off' for lack of a better word. Anytime someone kept sniffing, she would loudly exclaim, "Have a blow!" in her somewhat grating voice (something I would NOT say in my classroom today, by the way) indicating that we were to get a kleenex and blow our nose. So one day a 'petition' of sorts went around throughout the day, stating that promptly at 2 o'clock we that were in Reading at the time would begin to sniff. And repeatedly. Then, when Jones gave her annoying refrain, we would all get up and head to the kleenex box. I, of course, decided to place my John Hancock on this incriminating sheet, which was found, no less, in a trash can IN JONES' ROOM. Who the genius was that made that decision, I don't remember, but we were caught.
I also learned that I was not always respectful to other kids. I said some things about others that were rude. I know other things happened that year, too, but I don't remember all of them, and I don't want to go on and on.
Now I'm teaching sixth grade. I came back to 'the workforce' in order to get out of debt. If I was going to work full-time, I was going to do something I love. Something I have wanted to do my whole life. Something I use to play from as long as I can remember. So I came back to teaching. Now, when I first started teaching in 2000, I taught first grade. They didn't always wipe their noses, know how to get their pants zipped and buttoned, know how to tie their shoes, or that booger-eating wasn't acceptable. They loved their teacher, and cried when they got in trouble. Now, I'm not saying I was thrilled at all of this behavior, but now I'm facing emerging hormones, back-talking, tongue-clicking, cussing at students and teachers alike, theft, destruction of other's property, lying, apathy about grades and bad behavior, temper tantrums, kids that are taller/bigger than me, and I'm sure I'm forgetting some other things. I have never been talked to so rudely by someone 20+ years my junior. I have been discouraged over the future and prayed feverishly over my own children, hoping that they will never act like what I've seen or be hurt by kids such as I've encountered. I have cried. I have yelled. I have been silent. I have been depressed. I have whined. Boy, have I whined. But I have suffered through. And I have questioned whether or not I want to do this another year, or ever again. Yet I keep trying to see the good, respectful kids through all of the negative haze. I remember thinking at the first of the year after just a few bad incidents, "I wouldn't want Caitlyn to be in a class with bad students and be punished over and over again for their bad choices." In February, I had to attend the last of several days for new teachers. My prinicipal asked me to attend these at the beginning of the year, and I respectfully did as I was told, although begrudgingly. I'm not a brand new teacher, but I'll do what my boss tells me. Two of the other days throughout the year I missed because of being out of town and the flu. This last day I wanted to go because the author of a book on first year teaching was going to be there, and I was interested to see what all she was going to say. Plus, I was looking forward to not being in my classroom all day. The whole day was basically based on thinking through our vision and mission for teaching school. Now, at this point of the year (and week for that matter) was a very low point for me. I was seriously questionning whether or not to teach next year. I don't HAVE to teach. We could get money a different way. Why teach if I'm going to be treated the way I'm being treated by 11 and 12 year olds? I don't deserve it and it's not worth it. The whole day was great and inspiring for me. I was definitely at a fork, and needed some direction to make my decision. This day was, I believe, divinely appointed. The basic highlights for me:
*The speaker/facilitator (Ginger Tucker) talked about her grandkids and how unique and individual they are. Two of them are the ideal students every teacher wants in her class. They love school; they do their work and turn it in on time; they are caring to others; they respect and care about the teacher; they are wonderful. Caitlyn is just like this. She adores Mrs. Evans, her teacher. She loves school and wants to make us and teacher proud. So Ginger had me. I understood what she was saying about these kids, because that's my daughter! And then she took a meaningful breath and looked at all of us and said, "Teachers, don't forget about these kids. By this point in the year, it's easy to overlook the ones that never cause any ripples. But they still need your attention." And my heart sunk a little more than it already had. I was forgetting and overlooking the positive aspects in my classroom. We have some great students in our grade level, but the negative ones are so obvious and overshadowing. I reminded myself that I didn't want Caitlyn getting punished for others' bad behavior. And I shouldn't punish someone else's baby for others' bad choices.
*We had to think about why we came into teaching (something I think should be revisited every few years of teaching), and create a vision/mission statement. I did some crying that day. We ended the day by going around the room and sharing our statements. I cried the whole time I shared. This has been a tough year. I'm different than when I taught before. Now I'm a parent, and that brings a whole new perspective on things. I'm also older and seen a little more life. It's also way different than first grade. I also view this as temporary for a time. And at this point in the year, I had had some really tough situations to go through. I was being refined again through sixth grade, only this time I was the teacher. I decided to teach another year. After that? We'll see what happens next year. Lots of life is still to be lived. But I need to focus on the here and now. And for such a time as this, God has placed me here, with these kids, and I am to do my job to the best of my ability. I believe in teaching. I love doing it. And I have to remember my why:
My personal teaching mission is to create an environment in my classroom where every student feels valued, learning is contagious, and mistakes are viewed as learning opportunities; in a way that encourages learning, perseverance, and confidence; so that my students are successful now and in the future; because I believe that every child holds potential to do something great and meaningful.

Sixth grade is not for weinies. It can hurt. It can make you question yourself and what you thought you believed and held true to. But, like when I was a student, I hope I come out better on the other end of this year. Refinement hurts. But it brings out beauty.