Choices

Here I am in the last days of school. What a crazy year this has been!! And yesterday was horrible. Did a kid do something awful? Nothing above the norm. But their teacher.... she just had an atitude malfunction. Whew. I should have stayed in bed. But, not an option was that. Therefore, I came to school. And I feel myself just doing the same old, same old. We have a certain schedule we have to manage. I have to do all the routine responsibilities that come with managing a classroom (beyond the actual teaching), and I find myself just being routine. Check off breakfast, read silently, see who isn't here, take them to their fine arts class, drink some coffee, laugh with the gals, take care of some business, go potty, pick them up, keep them busy until lunch, eat my lunch, go potty, pick them up, keep them busy until orchestra and junior vips, take them over to another classroom so I can do dismissal duty. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I find myself counting down the days until it's done. This is perfectly normal and okay, except for my attitude. That's the part that stinks. And it's all my responsibility. It's all my choice. I can either let things bring me down, or I can choose to deal with them head on and them move to the next thing. I can either get bored with what I'm doing, or I can choose to actually enjoy the enjoyable kids while they're in my room. Instead of saying that there are only 2 Mondays and 16 days of school to go, I can choose to say that I have 16 more days to leave a positive impact on my students and teach them some more new concepts. It's really up to me and my choices. Can I go on in the same old routine? Sure. That's my choice. I also believe that that's the easy way out. It's easy to gripe. It's easy to look at the blaring negatives. It's easy to 'woe is me' and feel horrible so I can brag about how bad I have it. This comes easily for me, and I have to fight it. It does no good for me and my personal health, or for my family and friends who have to absorb some of it. So I choose. I don't want the same old, same old. I love to have a good time and enjoy where I'm at and what I'm doing. I look forward to a good laugh and like to think about exciting times yet to be experienced. I choose to change my attitude. I even have a poster in the front of my classroom that I pass hundreds of times a day: Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. I need to choose to take that in instead of just reading it when I pass.
This morning on the way to work, I heard this song again, and didn't really think about all of the lyrics. It's been playing in my mind ever since, though. So while I had a little break, I decided to look the lyrics up online. They are, of course, very pertinent to my epiphany about choice today.

This might hurt
it's not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

(The Motions, Matthew West)