Not so simple and mundane

For those with invisible illnesses, some simple tasks can become monumental.  What should be an ordinary, everyday task becomes painful and tiring. Which then brings the emotion. Disappointment. Frustration. Depression. Anxiety. Worry. Sadness. A wife wonders if she can truly be the partner her husband needs. A friend feels like she is failing all those who desire a relationship with her. A mom worries she won't be able to take care of her children the way she wants to, or that her children will always only see her as a weak and tired mom,  not the fun-loving person that's trapped inside her body.

This morning I had a very hard time getting out of bed. I got to the shower & as I began to shampoo my hair, my arms felt so weak that I had a hard time washing my hair. This is something I have struggled with on & off for a few years now. I had to remind myself this morning that I am in the process of getting better. I hope and pray that in a few months time, I won't have the muscle weakness and fatigue that I do today. But it makes me think of all those who carry these types of secrets with them day in and day out. There are so many that have these hidden illnesses and are too afraid or ashamed or tired of hearing that there are no answers for what ails them. Or know that "it could be so much worse" & struggle to stay positive. I feel so strongly that I should start speaking out so that others find they are not alone. We can join together not to bring pity on us or to act as if we need attention, but just to be encouragers. Even through that, there is healing.

As I was strolling through Facebook earlier, I watched a video I have seen before of a mother and son dancing at his wedding. It started out all serene and nice as is expected at a wedding reception, but then they began dancing to a medley of fun music. The mom was awesome, and I couldn't help but think "Lord, I want to be like that when my boy gets married. I want to have the energy to do things 15 years from now that I can only do in a short bursts today". I want the energy to play with my kids in the backyard for longer than five minutes. I want the energy to take them on hikes. Or walk for hours around an amusement park. Do all sorts of things that they want me to do that sometimes I just have to say no, not right now. Mommy has a headache, or Mommy is feeling really bad, or I'm just so tired. Well, I'm tired of feeling like a disappointment. And now I have a nine-month-old. I want her to grow up with an energetic mom who can get tasks completed, who can do what needs to be done all day without anxiety, who can be fun, entertaining, and active for more than a few minutes at a time.

So I end today wrapped in the hope that I have found some answers. That within a few months I will see marked improvement in my energy level. That I will not ache as much, or have headaches, or be as weak as I have been. That I will exercise and feel energized instead of needing to take a nap.

And my prayer is that through this, I can help others on their journey.